some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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