it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
