all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize