wakey wakey hands off snakey
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
