When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
