I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize