the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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