Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
