i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I am one with the molecules
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
