Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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