don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She needs sedatives and a leash
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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