I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
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