you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
