She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
