id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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