I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
