God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
"it" just moved
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
