Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
