Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
