i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
