Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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