i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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