he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
