I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
