I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
