Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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