Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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