Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
