i already hear my dad disowning me
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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