ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
