I need to stop coming to work sober
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
