I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
