never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
either way he was missing a nipple.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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