this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize