I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
