two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
