Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
