Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
