i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
