So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize