Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
