Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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