i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
