Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
