You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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