Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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