Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
