dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
