i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
