He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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