ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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