Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
