ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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