So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
