the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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