Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
