Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
