my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize