"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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