I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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