what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
