i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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