i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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