You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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