JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
