I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
