i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize