If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
