I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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