It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
false alarm. still invincible.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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